Sorry, I'm British!

Photo: Les Powell

Wheeling my trolley around Tesco in England a few weeks ago, I was struck by the number of times people said sorry to me as they bumped in to me in some form or another. Shop workers careered around the store with huge trolleys to stock shelves, intent on getting the job done rather than giving customers right of way and the room to actually get their shopping done. Much as happens in my local Albert Heijn. The difference in England is that those behind the trolleys smile and say sorry as they push their way through. 

"Oh, how polite," I thought. However, after half a dozen incidents from shop workers and customers alike it started to get a little old. Could so many people really mean that they were sorry for pushing their way through or bumping in to me? Not likely. It's a stop word. It's a way of making it all seem a little more polite than it actually is. It's false politeness.

As English people, it is a habit and quite normal to say sorry if we bump into each other - even if it's not our fault. We just say sorry. It slips out without even realising it. It's a well known phenomena. Kate Fox wrote about it in her great book, "Watching the English". Michael Harling refers to the trend in his book about living in England, "Postcards from Across the Pond". We're famous for it. 

But during my last trip back to England, I realised with a jolt - it doesn't make it right. The Dutch barge their way through but don't apologise for it. The English push through whilst apologising. False politeness? An example of Dutch directness? It's definitely a baffling cultural difference!

Book Review: Nederlands English by Alison O'Dornan

A Book for Teaching Bilingual
Children the Alphabet

When I was teaching my eldest son the alphabet I faced a problem that only parents of bilingual children face - the fact that the traditional objects used for each letter don't match in both English and Dutch. What I mean is this:

A is for apple (EN) and appel (NL)
B is for ball (EN) and bal (NL)
C is for cat (EN) and oh.... kat (NL).....

For each letter I drew the object and until I hit C, it was working a charm. At such a young age trying to explain that cat in English is spelt differently to kat in Dutch is difficult to say the least, if not impossible. In fact, there aren't a huge array of typical Dutch words to use for teaching toddlers the alphabet. Finding something that worked in English and Dutch was hard. And I had only reached C.......

"Learning the alphabet in a second language is much easier when the words start with the same letter in both languages" reads the back of Alison O'Dornan's book "Nederlands English". Which, I think, was my thought process a few years ago when I started with my son. This book would have made that process a lot  easier.

I'll let Alison explain how this book came in to being,

"The initial idea was inspired by a young Dutch mother living in the UK, who found it confusing to read either Dutch or English alphabet books with her one year old daughter. At the age of one, children do not distinguish between the two languages but simply learn that an object has two different sounds associated with it.  Hence as they start to learn to recognise letters by associating their shape with a sound, it is important that the item depicted matches the sound of the letter.  So if a child is shown an English alphabet book where “K” is often represented by a picture of a ‘Kite’, then this would be very confusing as it should be “V” for ‘Vlieger’ in Dutch, a very different sound. By carefully picking the objects that we have used for our ABC book we have eliminated this confusion."

The book itself is nicely laid out with the English word and a sentence at the top of the page, a picture of the object in the middle and the Dutch word and text at the bottom of the page. It's the first book in what will be a series with other languages.

It's a great concept and as far as I know it is quite unique. If you're teaching your children a second language from an early age this is a great resource to have. The book is currently being revised and teh new version will be available in the spring - it's worth waiting for the updated edition for an improved read with your children.

For more information and a peek inside the Dutch/English book visit www.Diglotbooks.com

Expat Book Review: Postcards from Across the Pond by Michael Harling

Michael Harling is an American who accidentally ended up living in the UK. He met his future wife in Ireland and moved to Sussex to be exact. And having been raised in a rural area of corn fields and cow farms, a twenty minute drive from the nearest shop, Sussex must have seemed a little crowded to this new immigrant in town. In any case, the move from the US to the US certainly gave Harling enough fodder for an amusing book about life in Britain through the eyes of a foreigner.

This book is not only a funny read, but highlights something interesting: For an American, a move to the UK would seem an easy one to make - the language is (almost) the same, the culture is not worlds apart. However, Harling soon discovered that the differences lay in the small things in daily life. He found that everything "is just off-center enough to give you a sense of permanent imbalance." This struck a big, clanging chord with me.

I wrote an article for The Telegraph last year about the differences between life in the Netherlands and life in my native Britain. A reader commented that adjusting to life in in the Netherlands was in fact a piece of cake and the two countries really are very alike. But they are not - and I think Harling hits the nail on the head with his observations of life in Britain: When you move to a far off land you expect life to be very different, when you to a country nearby or one with much in common you don't expect your life to be rocked. But it is - just by leaving your home country.

The differences lie in the little things like posting a letter, getting a parcel delivered, getting a social security number, driving, shopping, sports, weather, TV, queuing, bureaucracy.... Need I go on? 

Luckily, this book is not a mammoth whinge about everything in the UK being inferior to its US cousin. Au contraire, Harling doesn't see all the adaptations he needs to make as a step in the wrong direction. In fact, he gives the impression that he actually quite likes a lot of the differences - once he got used to them.

In this book, which is actually a collection of blog postings he has made over the years, he shares his astonishment at the lack of St. Patrick's Day celebrations in England; his difficulty buying shoe laces; his confusion playing the game of rounders (which he likens to baseball until he sees the bat. "The bat resembles a giant rolling pin with only one handle," he explains); the haphazardness of the local bus schedules; and trying to recreate Thanksgiving away from the US ("Last Thursday was Thanksgiving, and 60 million people on this island didn't give a shit," he tells us).

This book is 172 pages to make you titter (a word us Brits can use without sniggering) and it's a great read for all expats everywhere, for Brits who can laugh at themselves, and Americans who want to know how different life is on the other side of the Atlantic.

His blog of the same title (where he describes himself as an "American author living in the south of England, sort of like Bill Bryson but without the best selling books and gobs of money") is http://postcardsfromacrossthepond.blogspot.com/ 

Expat Christmas Gift Ideas (4): English Language Books

Still on the theme of Christmas presents; today all about books. Living in a country where books are not in English by default, books in English are always appreciated. My Amazon wish list plays an important role at Christmas and birthday time.

So, if you are buying a present for an expat friend or family member then consider a book. For expats buying for loved ones overseas, books work too, especially if you combine it with the idea of sharing what it is like in your host country. Here's what I mean:

• Learn more about life in the Netherlands through books such as The Undutchables, My 'Dam Life, Bicycle Mania Holland
• Learn about life in the UK with books such as Notes from a Small Island, Rules, Britiannia
• You couldn't share life as an expat in Germany any better than giving Planet Germany as a gift
• Entertain and share what expat life is like in general through musings in books like Diplomatic Incidents: The Memoirs of an (Un)diplomatic Wife, A Moving Landscape, I'm A Stranger Here Myself

You get the picture...

And great news on the subject of buying English language books - Amazon is now offering free delivery from the UK website to many European countries, including the Netherlands. Check the site for conditions.

Expat Christmas Gift Ideas (3): Expat Shops

Continuing the series about tips for Christmas gifts for expats...... Expat shops are a great port of call for present shopping for your expat and local friends and family alike.

How about making up a basket of British products for your in-laws? Or putting together a hamper of flavours from the US for your American expat friend? Christmas can be a great opportunity to introduce your local friends to the tastes of your home country - like a beer selection from home or a pudding for the Christmas meal or something special for breakfast on Boxing Day. Or just to make sure they experience the delights of crumpets at least once in their life.

Lots of expats have food parcels sent to them all year long so making up an extra special package at Christmas time will certainly go down well and your local expat shop will be able to help you.

If you are British, and want to introduce your local family and friends to something new.... try mince pies. Not only do they get to experience a new taste - but you get to have a whole conversation about minced beef as a dessert...... which of course is not what mince pies are (although to be fair in some countries ask for a mince pie and you will get a ground beef pie). The British traditionally eat mince pies in the festive period around Christmas and the New Year - and in the lead up to Christmas the shops are full of them. British expat shops are no exception.

Mince pies are sweet pastries full of mincemeat. Nothing related to a cow but instead dried fruits such as raisins and sultanas and apples with spices. They are delicious. Particularly with brandy butter or single cream. And more importantly, they are a favourite of Father Christmas, who appreciates children leaving him a mince pie along with a glass of sherry on Christmas eve.

If you have never had a mince pie, like the idea of sharing a British tradition with your friends and family here in the Netherlands, or just want to stock up on your usual treat at Christmas, then hold on to your hats....... For those of you living within a commute of The Hague there is a very special offer for readers of this blog at Kelly's Expat Shop.... A FREE BOX OF KIPLING MINCE PIES when you spend 15 euro on shopping at Kelly's. Just quote A Letter from the Netherlands blog at the till. That simple!

Kelly is actually Dutch (read a previous article of mine if you want more on the interesting tale about a Dutchie running an expat shop) but provides the expat community of The Hague and surrounding areas with goodies from Britain, America, South Africa, Australia and more. Open seven days a week, Kelly's is located at Piet Heinstraat 105 but also offers online shopping for delivery in the surrounding area. Incidentally you can also get your Christmas turkey from Kelly's. What are you waiting for?

Mama and Papa or Mummy and Daddy?

Photo: Dirk Herrmann

An interesting post caught my eye on the networking site Insego this week. A member asked if other parents preferred to be called mama or papa, like the Dutch use, or whether other expats preferred to use the terms of their native language - so in my case mummy and daddy. It struck a chord because it is something I have thought about since becoming a parent.

I speak English to my sons. The idea is that they speak (and in the case of my youngest, will speak) English back to me. However, my eldest calls me mama, which is what he learnt to call me from me and his 'papa'. I never really thought anything of the term mama, nor particularly consciously decided on mama instead of mummy, until one day my son called me mummy. And it felt weird. it somehow did not fit.

He had called me mama since the day he could talk and after an extended trip to the UK, he came out suddenly with mummy. I didn't react instantly because it took a second to realise he was actually addressing me. I corrected him with "mama" and he looked confused. Everyone else in England had used mummy when referring to me - "Shall we see if your mummy wants to do that?" "Maybe ask your mummy before you eat that." So he had adopted it and begun using it back in Holland. To my dismay. And I still am not sure, even now, why it dismayed me. But it did. And he now, generally, calls me mama. Every now and then he reverts to mummy but it is so infrequent it doesn't bother me.

I think I got used to hearing mama from him so when he used mummy it sounded alien. However, there is also another part that prefers mama because it reminds me of who we are as a family. My children are Dutch and no matter what my nationality is, they are currently more Dutch than English. And so, somehow, it seems more natural for them to call me mama.

What do your children call you? Do you use terms from your host or birth country?

English Language Theatre in the Netherlands - Open Air Performances

Despite the atrocious weather (it can only get better right?) I wanted to do a quick post about the British open-air theatre company which is back in the Netherlands. I went to a performance a few years back in Voorschoten and it was fabulous.

So if you fancy an English language performance and Romeo and Juliet or James and the Giant Peach appeal, check out Illryia and book your seat (which you take with you). You can even order picnic hampers for the plays in Voorschoten.