Crikey, That Snail's Got No Clothes On

A Naked Snail Photo: Antonio Garcia

I was pushing my one year old in his pram whilst my four year was jumping over puddles on the pavement next to us on our way back to infant school after lunch. The heavens had opened that morning and the rain had been continuos since I had done the first school run of the day that morning. In front of us was a mother with a four year old girl dressed from head to toe in pink in one hand and her slightly older brother in the other hand. Suddenly the trip stopped before us and the young girl let out a shriek,

"Ew. Wat is dat mama?" she asked, turning to her mother. She pointed at the ground to a slug.

"Dat is een naaktslak," said her mother laughing. The Dutch word for slug, naaktslak, litterally translates to naked snail. Both children were now laughing. The young boy said,

"Yes, he woke up this morning and forgot to put his clothes on." His little sister giggled. As did I. My four year old looked up at me,

"Nee, toch mama?" he asked, questioning the validity of the boy's statement. The mother continued,

"Yes, he must have been very confused when he woke this morning."

It reminded me just how fabulous the Dutch language can be!

Helmet Therapy in the Netherlands

Helmet Therapy - a fairly common sight amongst babies
in the Netherlands
Photo: (C) The Writing Well

Expatica has published my latest article on a topic which will be unfamiliar to most  - but it is a process we stumbled upon last year when the Consultatiebureau referred us through to a physiotherapist because my baby had a strong positional preference.

I found it very hard to find much information on helmet therapy (or redressietherapie) in the Netherlands, particularly in English, so I decided to share our story for other expat parents out there.

It is also to enlighten others who wonder why - babies with specially designed helmets is a common sight on the streets of the Netherlands these days.

You can read the full article on http://www.expatica.com/nl/health_fitness/healthcare/Helmet-therapy-in-the-Netherlands_17323.html

The Ins and Outs of Expat Careers: Louise Wiles and Expat Coaching

Photo: Enrico Corno

Born in the UK, expat coach Louise Wiles now calls Portugal home but this is far from her first stop on the expat express train. She moved to Spain a decade ago and then to Portugal before she repatriated back to the UK for three years. She then lived on Madeira Island for five years before landing last year in her current destination of Lisbon.

All this moving around is a result of her husband's career. But what about her own career? How has she kept it going with all the moving around and what advice does she have for other accompanying partners? I spoke to her to find out and discovered the expat career path is not always a straight one - but planning the journey is essential.

I asked Louise about her career starting point and what effect a move overseas had on her career. Louise explains how she turned a move overseas into a career opportunity,

"My original profession was in sales and then training in Sales and Management. When I first moved to Spain I considered working for the same insurance group, AXA, in Madrid but decided I wanted to do something different. I trained as an English teacher (TEFL) and had my own business for a year. Then I decided it was my opportunity to do what I had always wished I had done and study Psychology." 

Louise saw a move overseas as the chance to retrain
through distance learning
Photo: Shho

Whilst living in Spain, Louise obtained a Psychology degree from the Open University in the UK and followed it with a Masters in Occupational Psychology from the UK based University of Leicester. Both of her degrees were obtained through distance learning.

However, having obtained the qualifications, expat life posed another challenge. Louise explains,

"A big issue was how to get the qualifications recognised here in Portugal. Because I was moving around I never completed my three years practice work in order to become a chartered occupational psychologist."

When Louise left the UK for the second time, she went armed with a plan,

"I chose to complete a certificate in coaching and to build a business from home – portable and related to my experience as an accompanying partner."

Her portable career solution not only works with her mobile lifestyle, but it also helps keep the balance in her home life. Louise says,

"Running my own business also means that I am able to fit it alongside my other commitments as a mother of two young kids with a husband who travels a lot – my business needs to be run from home and flexible enough to work around the demands of two young children (8 and 5)."

Many expats face a similar need to maintain flexible working arrangements - and Louise has created her own solution.

I asked Louise what kind of support she has had to build and maintain her own career abroad. The answer is disappointingly typical for many accompanying spouses. 

"None – from any outside party – just me and support financially from my husband (well our family income!!).  Actually I think I did get financing for a language course and my TEFL course in Madrid from my husband's company during our first relocation – but I've have had no support since," shares Louise.

This lack of support in her own situation is the reason why Louise is developing a programme for accompanying partners which aims to identify and develop a portable solution for their lives abroad.

Louise's number one tip for others who want to pursue their career abroad is simple,

"Do your research before you leave your home country. Make sure your expectations are realistic before you move abroad."

She goes on to say,
"Check whether your home country qualifications are recognised in your destination country and if they are not investigate what you will need to do to convert them – if this is possible. If not, consider how you could build your own business or freelance whilst abroad. Think about how you would set up a business and what the requirements for registering that business abroad would be – you may not even be able to do so in which case consider setting up your business in your home country before leaving. You could also consider working as an associate for someone else."

I asked this creative expat coach which three skills she thinks are essential for the success of an overseas career. She says without hesitation,

"Determination, creativity and passion."

Louise's Recommended Links

The Expat Coach Association

The International Coach Federation

Get Ahead by Going Abroad:
A Woman's Guide to Fast-Track Career Success
by C Perry Yeatman and S Nevadomski Berdan

Career in Your Suitcase by Jo Parfitt - a recommended read by Louise Wiles

Louise Wiles offers specific programmes for accompanying partners who want to create an individual portable approach to their career and lifestyle on relocating abroad.

To find out more about Louise and her services visit her website: http://www.SuccessAbroadCoaching.com or contact her by email

Louise@SuccessAbroadCoaching.com. You can also follow her on Twitter: LWexpatlife

Expat Challenges by Kate Berger

Kate Berger, an expat expert
specialising in helping expat kids

For the Expats@Home February newsletter, I asked expat expert, Kate Berger, to share a little about some of the challenges that face expats. She interviewed some local expats from different countries and shared them with us. The result was interesting with issues ranging from how to make friends to ensuring that your retirement plan can sustain you in later life.

Kate Berger offers emotional health services for expatriate children and adolescents in the Amsterdam area through her practice, The Expat Kids Club. Individual and group sessions are offered, and target issues including anxiety, family & peer conficts, and socio/emotional adjustment to non-native lifestyles & cultures. For more information visit http://www.expatkidsclub.com/index.html

If you want to read the article in it's entirety visit the archive. If you want to sign up for future editions of my newsletter visit my website page.

A Little Help in the Delivery Room for Expats: Doulas

Having a baby in a foreign country can be quite daunting and if your mum and your best friend live back in your country of origin then having your nearest and dearest around you at such an emotional time can be very hard to plan. However, hiring a doula can help - for many many reasons. A doula is someone who provides support (non-medical) during pregnancy, labour and the birth. For the birth of my second baby, I had a doula on hand and I would recommend it to anyone!!

If you want to know more, read an article I wrote for I Am Expat about my experience with a doula.

Guest Post For Clogs and Tulips

Photo: (c) Amanda van Mulligen

If you have any interest in what it's like to have a baby in the Netherlands, then I've just written a guest post for Tiffany's blog, Clogs and Tulips.

"If you trawl expat forums, you are likely to come across some heavy criticism of the Dutch maternity system. And yes, I agree, having a baby in the Netherlands may not be the same as having a baby back in your home country but there are worse things you can do. Here’s what I’ve learnt through two pregnancies and births in the Netherlands."

Read the full post here.

Passing on Festive Traditions

 On Sunday morning my son woke and decided to treat us to a medley of various Sinterklaas songs; this despite the fact that Pakjesavond and the celebration of Sinterklaas passed a week ago. Obviously spurred on by the theme he hurried downstairs, took one of his shoes from the hall cupboard and placed it in the living room, in the same magical place that had proved profitable just a week or so before. He placed a carrot in his shoe and put some milk in a Tupperware bowl for Sint’s horse. And all this by 9am.

Explaining to my nearly three year old son why putting his shoe out last weekend was redundant was easy.
“Sinterklaas has gone back to Spain, with his horse and all his Zwarte Pieten,” I explained. “He’ll be back next year.”
“The shoe is for the Kerstman,” replies my smart son.
“Oh ok, well Father Christmas doesn’t put presents in shoes. He only comes to the house on Christmas Eve and that is a lot of sleeps away,” I told him.

He looked stumped. And of course why shouldn’t he. Looking deploringly at my husband, I tried to scramble an answer together that explained that Sinterklaas and Father Christmas are different beings (when in fact they are not), that they have different modes of transport (one has a horse and the other reindeer and a sleigh), they come at different times of the year (5 December and 25th December), put presents in different receptacles (one preferring a shoe over the stocking) and they have different types of helpers (Sinterklaas opting for Zwarte Pieten and Father Christmas making use of busy little elves to make toys). I did not even attempt to go into their living arrangements: why one chooses the warmer climate of Spain and the other lives in the rather cold, snowy Lapland. That is a conversation for much later, if he ever asks.

Of course, the one thing he got loud and clear was that Father Christmas also brings presents to good boys and girls across the world. So he placed the carrot back in the vegetable rack, his shoe back in the cupboard and handed me the tub of milk. Then he pointed to his stocking, and I reiterated that on Christmas Eve he could hang it on his bed and Father Christmas would fill it with presents, as long as he is a good boy…….

And that closed the conversation out for now. The discussion we would eventually have with our children about the Dutch Sinterklaas and the British version, that of Father Christmas, was a topic of conversation between me and my husband some time ago, long before our son was even born. To reconcile the two events seemed quite difficult when we talked about it, but it is something that needs to be done in a multi-cultural household.

The Dutch ‘do’ Christmas much more than they used to. The main celebration used to be Sinterklaas on the 5th December but Christmas has become more commercial here and now it is also a time of giving gifts. However, my husband’s childhood memories, and the traditions around Christmas are very different to mine. In England we do not celebrate Sinterklaas. Until ten years ago, I had never heard of it and knew nothing about it. It was all about Christmas for us.

So our first Christmas together was a unique and new experience for my Dutch partner: Christmas stockings, Christmas pudding, brandy butter, presents under the Christmas tree, mince pies, turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce and pulling Christmas crackers before tucking into lunch. This was all new to him, but for me, all traditional.

So now, every year, he directs the Sinterklaas celebration and I organise Christmas. This way we pass on our own holiday traditions to each other, and our children, and share the uniqueness of our culture with each other. Our son of course benefits as he gets two rounds of presents……. the luck of a child with a mother from England and a father from the Netherlands.

This was first published a year ago in my Expats@Home newsletter. If you want to receive future editions of my newsletter sign up at http://www.thewritingwell.eu/Newsletter.html

Mama and Papa or Mummy and Daddy?

Photo: Dirk Herrmann

An interesting post caught my eye on the networking site Insego this week. A member asked if other parents preferred to be called mama or papa, like the Dutch use, or whether other expats preferred to use the terms of their native language - so in my case mummy and daddy. It struck a chord because it is something I have thought about since becoming a parent.

I speak English to my sons. The idea is that they speak (and in the case of my youngest, will speak) English back to me. However, my eldest calls me mama, which is what he learnt to call me from me and his 'papa'. I never really thought anything of the term mama, nor particularly consciously decided on mama instead of mummy, until one day my son called me mummy. And it felt weird. it somehow did not fit.

He had called me mama since the day he could talk and after an extended trip to the UK, he came out suddenly with mummy. I didn't react instantly because it took a second to realise he was actually addressing me. I corrected him with "mama" and he looked confused. Everyone else in England had used mummy when referring to me - "Shall we see if your mummy wants to do that?" "Maybe ask your mummy before you eat that." So he had adopted it and begun using it back in Holland. To my dismay. And I still am not sure, even now, why it dismayed me. But it did. And he now, generally, calls me mama. Every now and then he reverts to mummy but it is so infrequent it doesn't bother me.

I think I got used to hearing mama from him so when he used mummy it sounded alien. However, there is also another part that prefers mama because it reminds me of who we are as a family. My children are Dutch and no matter what my nationality is, they are currently more Dutch than English. And so, somehow, it seems more natural for them to call me mama.

What do your children call you? Do you use terms from your host or birth country?

Bonfire Night - Thwarting An Early Terrorist Threat

Wrapped up in woollen scarves, hats and gloves we would stand excitedly in the dark waiting for the lighting of the bonfire; for the moment when the flames would spring in to life and the wood would start to crackle, for the moment that we could feel the heat on our cold, red cheeks. The guy perched at the top of the fire would eventually fall and burn, the effort of making the figure disappearing literally in a puff of smoke.

Once the bonfire was in full flame, we would turn our excitement to the fireworks which would be next to start. In the meantime we warmed ourselves and filled our tummies with soup, a jacket potato or a hot dog or hamburger.

Then the firework display would start and the crowd would "ooh" and "aahhhh" in unison as Catherine Wheels spun, spider fireworks trailed their orange legs across the dark, starry sky and Roman Candles sent shooting stars heaven bound. We would wave our sparklers around, writing our names in light. The bangs, whistles, screeches and crackles echoed across each other as the firework show came to its finale.

Bonfire night every 5th November sticks with me, the date holding a feast of childhood memories like a t box of treasures I can open every year on this day. Of course, since I moved to the Netherlands participating in Bonfire night has become harder and I have only been in the UK to celebrate 5th November twice since 2000. As my children grow up this is a track record I aim to change so that they can learn and take part in a little piece of British history and culture. For Bonfire night is a British thing - yes, I have had lots of people back home saying to me over the years "Don't they celebrate bonfire night in Holland then?" No they don't. Of course they don't - Guy Fawkes made no attempt to blow up the Dutch parliament did he?

But he did have a cunning plan to get rid of the protestant monarch of the time by blowing up Parliament and King James I with it in 1605. The aim was to replace the head of state with a catholic one. Luckily for King James I the gunpowder plot was discovered (the anti-terrorist unit being on full alert back then too by all accounts) and the plotters were arrested and swiftly executed. End of Guy Fawkes and his friends.

On 5th November, 1605 the first 'thanksgiving' was celebrated and marked with the ringing of church bells and the lighting of bonfires. Hence, why the British, over 400 years later, still light bonfires on 5th November and put an effigy (the guy, named after Guy Fawkes) on top of the fire. The fireworks represent the foiled gunpowder plot - that and it's pretty.......

If you live in the Netherlands and want to experience Bonfire Night get yourself over to Watersportcentrum, Sloterplas,Christoffel Plantijngracht 4, 1065 DA Amsterdam at 16.00 on Sunday 7th November, where the British Society is once more organising its Guy Fawkes Bonfire event.

Breastfeeding in the Netherlands

Photo: Marek Bernat

80% of mothers start out breastfeeding their babies in the Netherlands and this number decreases to 20% by six months. In a recent survey carried out by the Voedingscentrum in conjunction with UNICEF Nederland, 56% said they gave breastfeeding outside of the home. The rest said that a lack of facilities and the fact that breastfeeding is very personal prevented them from feeding by breast when they are out.

To add to this 45% of those surveyed do not see breastfeeding in public as normal but a majority does accept breastfeeding in general.

I certainly echo the sentiments of those mothers who feel that the facilities to breastfeed outside of the home (and by this it is meant somewhere inside where it is warm, quiet and clean) are few and far between. My latest outing is a good example. On Sunday we went to the Efteling and my 5 month old started getting cranky around 11am - our call to find somewhere to feed him and quick. My husband asked for assistance at one of the food stalls.

"Is there anywhere my wife can go inside to breastfeed our baby?" He asked.

"Breastfeed? What do you mean?" the woman behind the foot stall answered. Perplexed but determined he continued, only to be told that a nearby restaurant had an 'indoors'. So we searched further and eventually found the first aid centre where I was allowed to pull up a chair and feed my son. No signs, no info - just a bit of intuitive searching on my husband's part.

The lack of facilities and acceptance outside the home makes the early months with a breastfed baby hard as they need feeding every 2 to 3 hours. Mothers in the UK feel no differently to those in the Netherlands.

The Voedingscentrum is encouraging local councils to put breastfeeding on the agenda and make places available to mothers (look for signs saying "Voeden kan hier") but there is some way to go to make the country a breastfeeding haven.

The most recent campaign by the Voedingcentrum can be seen in The Hague on the Plein by way of 14 life-size photos taken by Olaf Posselt related to breastfeeding. The photo exhibitions runs until the 10th October.

Is breastfeeding accepted as the norm in your home and/or country? What are your thoughts on the topic?

What no Conkers?

When the seeds of the horse chestnut trees start falling on to unsuspecting passers-by and children are racing betweens trees to collect them, it takes me back to my own childhood.

Photo: The Writing Well

My brother and I would collect these treasures too when we were young. We would head off to the woods with our plastic bags and scour the ground for signs of a horse chestnut tree. When we found one we would excitedly grab the nuts from the leaf covered floor, sometimes breaking open the soft, green, spiky shell as we went. These were the nuts that had fallen too soon. Perfect conkers are those that have burst from their casing and landed with a thump on the ground. Mostly, we didn't need to break open the spiky shell - the beautiful,shiny brown conkers would be lying all over the ground, waiting to be scooped up. We would weed out the small, shrivelled conkers when we got home; the aim was quantity before we got to the quality control round.

At home, we would both tip out our bags and sort out the biggest, roundest, hardest specimens. Then we filled empty glass jam jars up with brown, sour smelling vinegar and placed our best conkers in the jars. There they would wallow in their pungent bath for days, sometimes longer if our supply was big enough. We would then make a hole in the centre of each conker with a roundheaded screwdriver and thread a piece of string through the hole; we tied a knot at one end and inspected our work. Satisfied that the specimen was a good one it would be put in our coat pockets or school bag for the next day.

It was time for battle on the playground. In September and October every year across the length and breadth of Britain, kids would play the traditional game of conkers. The game is simple: you let your conker hang at arm's length in front of you with the string wrapped around your hand. Your opponent also wraps their conker string around their hand and takes the conker in their other hand. You opponent then tries to hit your conker with their conker by releasing their conker and striking. Easy huh? But there's more.

If your opponent misses your conker they may try a further two times to hit the target. Once the conker has been hit your opponent then holds their conker perfectly still whilst you have a go at hitting it. If the strings become entangled the first to call "strings" may then take a shot at the other conker. If a conker is dropped or falls to the floor you can call "stamps" and then proceed to jump up and down on it. The game continues until one of the conkers is destroyed. But it still doesn't end there.....

The game of conkers involves scoring. If you hold the winning conker you can take on the points of the other conker that you have annihilated: if your conker is a virgin conker and you smash a conker that is being used for the first time then you get one point and your conker is known as a one-er. If you then go on to beat a conker that has already won a fight, your conker is then a three-er (the one it orginally had, the one it gains for winning this contest and the one your opponent already had). It gets complicated. You also needed to ensure there were witnesses who could testify on the playground that your fifteen-er was really what you said it was. The game of conkers gave birth to playground legends that everyone wanted to beat. Everyone wanted to become the conker champion.

Last year, whilst I watched excited children scurrying like squirrels collecting nuts, I remembered the fun we had had as kids in those two months as autumn descended. My husband asked why I was smiling and I said how all these children would be running home and putting strings through their conkers. And he looked at me blankly. It's a British thing. Dutch children collect conkers for school projects and goodness knows what.

I was stunned. I assumed children across the world played conkers. I found out later that Britain is believed to be the only country that plays this game traditionally. And even there it is dying out - health and safety reasons banning it from most playgrounds..... one thing is for sure - I can't wait to show my sons how to play conkers!

A Dutch Decade: Q&A with Invader Stu

As part of the Dutch Decade week I threw the floor open to you to ask me any question you liked about expat life or life in the Netherlands.....

Stuart* asked: What is the funniest language or cultural mix up you have experienced during your ten years in the Netherlands?

My Answer: Without hesitation, the funniest language mix up was when a pediatric nurse cast serious aspersions on Bert’s sexuality. My son, two at the time, had to go for an examination at Lange Land hospital. Whilst we waited for the nurse, he was busy with some toys that were scattered around the room. He picked up an Ernie, of Sesame Street fame, and began to play. 

The nurse appeared and to get him a little warmed up (some two year olds are not too happy when a stranger wants to poke and prod them) she asked about the cuddly toy he was holding,

“Nou, wie is dat?”

“Ernie,” replied my son looking at her as if she had landed from an alien planet.

“En waar is Bert?,” she continued.

“Bert’s at home,” he replied, turning back to continue playing with Ernie. The nurse looked a little shocked and turning to us asked,

“Wat zegt hij nou?”

“Bert is thuis,” my husband said “maar dan in het Engels. Hij heeft een Bert knuffel thuis.”

The nurse broke in to hysterics and we all looked at her. As if she had landed from an alien planet. 

“Ik dacht dat hij zei ‘Bert is een homo’.”

In the sterile surroundings of a hospital examination room, it was the laugh we needed.

What language or culture blunder has made you laugh?

*Stuart is the brains behind the near celebrity status expat blog, Invading Holland. Recently engaged to be married, a fellow Brit and nearing his ten year anniversary as an expat in the Netherlands, Stuart has been interviewed by The Telegraph and you may recognise his cartoons on The Stuart Britton Show website. Head over to http://www.invader-stu.com/holland/ for a seriously good laugh.

A Dutch Decade: Q&A with Kate Berger

As part of the Dutch Decade week I threw the floor open to you to ask any question you liked about expat life or life in the Netherlands.....

Kate Berger* asks:
For an expat living in Holland for ten years now (!), I am wondering about your socio-cultural participation within Dutch society: how have your social groups (and participation in them) evolved during your years in the Netherlands? Have you integrated and/or assimilated? Do you find yourself interacting with mainly Dutch people or English-speakers/people from your home country? And, how have you found that your involvement with different groups has changed at all over time? Do you see your children experiencing similar evolutions in social participation?


My answer: There has definitely been a change in the groups I seek interaction with over the years. As a newbie in the Netherlands, not speaking the local language, the tendency was to target social interaction with English speakers or other expats. Going through culture shock and knowing that those around you can relate to how you are feeling is a big comfort. In the beginning, I interacted in a number of expat groups but was so affected by one particularly negative social expat get-together that it put me off trying any others. I actually loved living here, even at an early stage, but the rest of the group obviously didn’t..... I came home, from what I thought would be a fun night in a pub, shell-shocked, and in the words of Forrest Gump “that’s all I have to say about that”.

The reality is that expats live abroad for many reasons and there are different types of expats; being an expat does not automatically mean you have anything in common with every other expat you meet. Those that have moved abroad on a permanent basis to be with a partner face different issues than those that are transferred temporarily overseas with their family. Obviously, this doesn’t rule out social interactions but it does mean you look in different places (more locally in my case) for relationships and not necessarily through the traditional methods of established expat groups.

As my working life changed and my language skills developed, it became easier to socialise and network with Dutch people. As my writing career developed it also led me to new social interactions – meeting others first virtually through networking groups and through this blog. I now have a good bond with some people I have never even met in real life!

The biggest motivator to get out and socialise locally was having a baby. I participated in an expat mother and toddler group for a while but there was a temporary nature to it as others moved back home, or moved on and a huge culture gap in some cases. Suddenly it was no longer about being an expat, a foreigner in the Netherlands, but about being a mother so the relationships with those I am now closest to came about through the common bond of motherhood.

In one case we met through an expat forum, in another case it was through a Dutch mother’s site – both are English speakers though. Having children definitely widens social interaction in the local community. My son has a varied pool to socialise in: Dutch children in pre-school; the daughters and sons of friends who are themselves expats but bringing their children up ‘locally’ (i.e. local schools, speaking Dutch and a long term plan to stay in the Netherlands); children of friends back in England.

How has your social circle evolved whilst living abroad?

*Kate Berger, MSc Psychology, offers emotional health services for expatriate children and adolescents in the Amsterdam area through her practice, The Expat Kids Club. Individual and group sessions are offered, and target issues including anxiety, family & peer conficts, and socio/emotional adjustment to non-native lifestyles & cultures. For more information visit http://expatkids.weebly.com, or contact Kate directly at: +31614832702.

A Dutch Decade... Ten Highlights of Ten Years

This week I celebrate the milestone of ten years living in the Netherlands. There have been highs and lows. There have been tears and laughter. Here are my top ten highlights from a decade in the land of the Dutch - in no particular order.

Birth of my First Son: having a baby in Holland is not like having a baby in other Western countries. Almost 30% of births here are home births compared to 1% to 2% in the US and UK. More than a third of Netherlands based women plan home births but end up in the hospital for medical reasons. I am one of those women. Despite this, planning for a home birth was a memorable experience and one that I would not have had if my son had been born in England. His arrival into the world is most definitely a highlight to cherish, regardless of where it happened.

Birth of my Second Son: There was no home birth planned the second time round - there was no choice. The experience though was a great one - with a doula on hand, an amazing maternity nurse and a birth plan followed to the letter. Within a few hours of the birth we were all at home as a new family of four.

Kraamzorg: What made both births particularly special in the Netherlands was the postnatal care from the kraamverzorgster. I am in no doubt that this is the best thing to come out of the Dutch healthcare system, or any other Dutch system for that matter. For someone who doesn't have their direct family and best friends round the corner, such support for the first week after a birth is invaluable.

Photo: Anouschka Rokebrand

My Dutch Wedding: we married in the Netherlands in a beautiful setting in Hauwert where the houses have thatched roofs and you can still picture horse and carts on the quiet roads of the village. My brother flew over from the US, my family and friends came over from England and the Dutch contingency made the trip upwards for a day that could not have gone better. It even stayed dry, which for July in the Netherlands is proving to be a miracle........

Starting my Own Business: There is nothing like a complete change of career to test your character, nerves and wallet. But in 2008, that is exactly what I did when I set up The Writing Well and left the world of human resources behind. It was the best career move I ever made and I have never looked back. Without my expat life this is a move I would never have made so I have my Dutch surroundings to thank for a happy, creative work life.

My Husband's Career: It's not only my career that changed because I moved to the Netherlands. My husband also made a challenging and daring career move to an international organisation where the principle language spoken is English. His English has obviously developed astoundingly over ten years, so much so it became his working language. Thankfully, his Dutch is still quite good too.......

Mastering Dutch: Of course, whilst my husband was improving his English, I have spent ten years coming to grips with the Dutch language. It has been a real highlight to move through the journey of the eight steps to learning a language:

1. avoiding eye contact and refusing to speak
2. admitting you have to talk to somebody at some point and speaking English everywhere 
3. getting through the mumbling 'dank u wel' and nodding enthusiastically stage,
4. saying 'wat zegt u?" a hundred times a day with a blank look on your face
5. reeling off automated responses to set questions you know you will be asked (such as "Wilt u koopzegels?" or "Wilt u een tasje?") 
6. reaching the stage of being able to hold a basic conversation
7. realising you can read Dutch newspapers, watch Dutch films and talk to the neighbours quite confidently as well as accepting Dutch grammar for what it is and no longer asking why there are so many exceptions.
8. feel practically like a native if it weren't for that accent you have whilst speaking Dutch......

My 30th Birthday: Without a doubt one of my best birthdays ever - the highlight was a flight over some of the Netherlands in a Cessna C172. The event was a total surprise arranged by my husband, who wanted to show me a little of his homeland from another viewpoint. I should also mention that I find having only the floor of a little aircraft between me and a drop of up to 800 feet a little daunting. However, fears of death aside, it was an amazing experience. 

My Flight Certificate - a record of 

my survival

We took off in Lelystad with an experienced pilot and flew over the Ijselmeer to Texel where we stopped for hot chocolate (though a stiff drink may have been more appropriate). We then took in the view of Friesland, took a tour over Zwolle and headed back to the airfield in Lelystad. I even had a go at flying the plane myself, but freaked out after seven seconds so passed the control back to someone who knew what they were doing. My husband however, revelled in flying the plane for most of the flight back to the airfield - he had ambitions to be a pilot in his youth but the fact that he can't see past his nose without contact lenses put an end to that dream.  To say it was cloudy and bumpy that day is an understatement - however the view I saw from the back of the plane over a paper bag was beautiful.

Expat People: During ten years living in another country I have met people, both in real life and virtually, who have had an enormous impact on my life - people who have guided my career, inspired me to reach higher, become trusted and treasured friends and supported me through the lows. An expat life forces you to look for a network in places you wouldn't look back in your home country. The result is a colourful and rich group of contacts.

Nurturing Bilingualism: Realising that your offspring can speak two languages by the age of three is a rewarding experience. Hearing a little voice switch languages depending on the audience is truly amazing and one gift of expat life that is priceless.

What do you get if you Cross an Expat Expert, a video camera and You Tube?

What you get is a great series of on-line lectures for expats by Robin Pascoe.

Robin Pascoe, the expat expert and author of expat books such as "A Broad Abroad", "A Moveable Marriage" and "Raising Global Nomads" has a great video series available called Successful Living Abroad.

It's all in the title - a series of 18 videos tackling universal challenges for expats in bite-size chunks. Topics centre on finding your own identity as an expat spouse, the place of third culture kids in the world, the importance of global nomads and the importance of the family abroad.

In the video below Robin tells why she has developed this on-line lecture series:



Robin really is an expert in her field and a highly respected speaker and writer - if you are abroad, or about to move abroad, check out this series.

Guest Post Series: Where do I Belong? by Tiffany Jansen

Personally, I love living in the Netherlands. I love the area in which I live. I love learning the language. I love meeting people from different backgrounds and cultures. I love the rich history and the old buildings. I love the cycling culture, the personal freedom, the royal family. Though I could certainly do with less rain and longer days in the winter, there is very little that I

disapprove of or feel uncomfortable with in my new country. If anything, my Dutch husband has more of a desire to head back State-side than I do.

Now, it’s not that I don’t love my home country. I’m very proud of our new president and I am proud of the fact that we went from a fledgling nation to the most powerful country in the world. And I certainly miss family and friends and hobbies and pastimes that I left behind.

The other and probably more pressing reason is that I’m not sure I belong there anymore. I notice it more and more with each time I return for a visit or when family and friends come to see us in the Netherlands.

Sometimes it’s the big things. I don’t understand why only the wealthy are entitled to healthcare. It still boggles my mind that only a handful of States have legalized gay marriage. I disagree with the drinking age being so high and the driving age being so low. The fast-pace, no-rest, workaholic lifestyle makes me wonder why life expectancy in the US isn’t lower – all this pressure American society puts on its people can’t be healthy.

It’s also in the little things. The knife, for instance. I’m convinced that this utensil is headed for extinction in the United States. When we eat with my family or friends, their knives remain completely unsoiled. They never even pick them up. My husband and I ate at a restaurant in North Carolina over Christmas that had no knives whatsoever.

To make a long story short, the longer I stay here, the less I belong there. I’m changing and seeing things differently and having all these new experiences that can only be had by living in another country. Seeing friends and family so seldom means that we move on without each other and in different directions. We can never be as close as we used to be. How can we? Skype, Facebook, blogs, telephone and email can help tremendously, but they just can’t replace a one-on-one, in person relationship.

And as much as I’m adapting here and as much I really love life in the Netherlands, this will never really be my home. Not truly. Not completely. For starters, I’m not Dutch. When my Dutch friends sing tunes from Kinderen voor Kinderen, that’s something I can’t participate in. I just didn’t grow up with this show. If I retaliate by crooning songs from Kids Incorporated, I find myself doing it alone. Certain jokes I will never really understand. No matter how fluent in the language I become, it will still be more taxing than speaking English. Let’s face it: I’m not Dutch. Nor will I ever be.

I think the worst part of being an expat is that you get torn between two countries. Two lives, really. And certainly two homes. We humans hunger for a sense of belonging. But where exactly do I belong now?

Thanks to Tiffany Jansen for this contribution. You can read more about Tiffany on her blog sites:

http://clogsandtulips.blogspot.com

americancloggie@aol.com

Dutch Education System

If you are sending your children to a Dutch school at some point in the future you may already be slightly baffled by the abbreviations you see littered in publications and on websites: VMBO, HAVO and HBO to name a few. Here's what it all means.

General

Pre-schooling (known as peuterspeelzaal) takes children from age 2 1/2 up to age 4.

• Education is compulsory from the age of 5, but many children begin in a basisschool at age 4.
• Public (state) schools are non-demoninational.
• Private schools are generally faith or ideology based and up to two-thirds of Dutch children attend a private school.
• Public and private schools are state funded, as long as they adhere to certain conditions.
• Home schooling is generally not allowed, unless there are extenuating circumstances such as special needs or ideologies which cannot be catered for in mainstream education.

Secondary Schooling

• Compulsory subjects in Dutch secondary schools are Dutch, English, maths, geography, history, sciences, physical education and arts and education at this level is streamed and split into three main study courses:

VMBO (Voorbereidend Middelbaar Beroepsonderwijs): a four-year course, which comprises vocational training and the core subjects at one of four levels.

HAVO (Hoger Algemeen Voortgezet Onderwijs): a five year study with three years of a standard set of subjects then a choice of tone set of subjects from four profiles to study in the final two years (known as Tweede Fase):
Culture & Society
Economy & Society
Nature & Health
Nature & Technology

VWO (Voorbereidend wetenschappelijk onderwijs): this prepares children for a higher education in the fields of science for the arts and lasts for six-years. It is offered in some schools as a bi-lingual course with 50% taught in English or German, which may be something of interest for expats or those bringing up bi-lingual children.

Higher Education

There are two principle types of higher education, both of which result in a Bachelor’s degree:

HBO (Hoger beroepsonderwijs): higher vocational education courses or professional training such as teacher training or performing arts. Students must have HAVO (or level 4 MBO) to attend this type of course, as well as the correct subject profile.

WO (Wetenschappelijk onderwijs): an academic or university education in arts or sciences. Students must have a VWO diploma or have completed one year HBO to enrol in a WO bachelor course.

Foreign students must demonstrate English language proficiency, take an entrance exam and have an equivalent qualification.