Expat Friends - What Are they Worth?

Friends
Photo: Sanja Gjenero

When you are an expat your social circle is probably quite varied. How long you are living abroad, the circumstances that brought you to a new country and where you are living all contribute to the make-up of your friends abroad.

For my newsletter in June I wrote about the friends you make as an expat and how they compare to the friends you already have back 'home'. Here's an extract:

A recent expat survey conducted by the HSBC concluded that expat life in the Netherlands is not easy. The results claimed that it’s hard to learn the language, make friends and integrate into the local culture and community.


I ran a blog post on it back in May and the comments came pouring in from expats in the Netherlands, as well as Dutch readers.


It seems that many of the readers wholeheartedly agree with the survey conclusions. Making friends with the locals seems to be a real stumbling block and most people find themselves friends with expats, despite the effort they perceive they put in with the local people.


It’s an interesting topic – friendships when you’re an expat. Are they different to the friendships you form if you stay in your home country? Are the friends you make whilst you are abroad as close as the ones you have back “home”? Are they as long lasting? It got me thinking……

You can read the full post here and if you want future editions of the monthly newsletter Expats@Home delivered straight to your inbox you can sign up on the home page of www.thewritingwell.eu.

The Expat Unfriendly Netherlands

Hard to make friends, difficult to learn the local language, fit into the local culture and integrate into the local community. Does this sound like your expat life in the Netherlands?

According to the Expat Explorer Survey carried out for HSBC Bank International the Netherlands placed last out of 25 countries, making it the most expat unfriendly country you could hope for.

Only 36% of expats relocating to the Netherlands find it easy to make friends here and 55% have concerns about the barriers that the local language put up. According to the survey, expats find the Dutch culture hard to fit in to and integrating in to the local community is far from easy here.

The difficulty of making friends in the Netherlands, particularly with the locals, is a common expat forum topic. Learning the language is a common talking point too but for the Netherlands to score so badly on these points did surprise me.

On the other hand, I did feel like shouting  "You see!" to someone who once posted a comment on an article I wrote for the Telegraph. A reader going by the name of "Kingory" commented,

"The Netherlands is about the easiest place in the world to be an expat, the language is really easy if you can hack the pronunciation, English is widely spoken, less than an hour east of London, there are loads of expats there already, and they even have the UK BBC for God's sake!!

Kind of missing the point about trying to integrate I think, but nonetheless you would think that a move to a far flung destination would be tougher than a move to a Western European country.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you experienced problems getting your social life on track after moving to the Netherlands? Is the culture too much to adapt to? Do the survey results surprise you or confirm your feelings?

What not to do on a Danish Beach

My latest article has been published on Velvet Escape (a brilliant travel blog run by Keith Jenkins). The article is part of a series about unforgettable travel memories and is about being stranded in a car on the beach - it's not something I can recommend you do as part of your next holiday but it certainly went down in the book as a "travel memory". The good news is that, as always, taking precautions can save your butt......

The full article is available on the Velvet Escape blog at http://velvetescape.com/blog/2011/04/what-not-to-do-on-a-danish-beach/

Helmet Therapy in the Netherlands

Helmet Therapy - a fairly common sight amongst babies
in the Netherlands
Photo: (C) The Writing Well

Expatica has published my latest article on a topic which will be unfamiliar to most  - but it is a process we stumbled upon last year when the Consultatiebureau referred us through to a physiotherapist because my baby had a strong positional preference.

I found it very hard to find much information on helmet therapy (or redressietherapie) in the Netherlands, particularly in English, so I decided to share our story for other expat parents out there.

It is also to enlighten others who wonder why - babies with specially designed helmets is a common sight on the streets of the Netherlands these days.

You can read the full article on http://www.expatica.com/nl/health_fitness/healthcare/Helmet-therapy-in-the-Netherlands_17323.html

Sorry, I'm British!

Photo: Les Powell

Wheeling my trolley around Tesco in England a few weeks ago, I was struck by the number of times people said sorry to me as they bumped in to me in some form or another. Shop workers careered around the store with huge trolleys to stock shelves, intent on getting the job done rather than giving customers right of way and the room to actually get their shopping done. Much as happens in my local Albert Heijn. The difference in England is that those behind the trolleys smile and say sorry as they push their way through. 

"Oh, how polite," I thought. However, after half a dozen incidents from shop workers and customers alike it started to get a little old. Could so many people really mean that they were sorry for pushing their way through or bumping in to me? Not likely. It's a stop word. It's a way of making it all seem a little more polite than it actually is. It's false politeness.

As English people, it is a habit and quite normal to say sorry if we bump into each other - even if it's not our fault. We just say sorry. It slips out without even realising it. It's a well known phenomena. Kate Fox wrote about it in her great book, "Watching the English". Michael Harling refers to the trend in his book about living in England, "Postcards from Across the Pond". We're famous for it. 

But during my last trip back to England, I realised with a jolt - it doesn't make it right. The Dutch barge their way through but don't apologise for it. The English push through whilst apologising. False politeness? An example of Dutch directness? It's definitely a baffling cultural difference!

Expat Harem Guest Post - Rude Honesty: When Politeness is Cultural

Living in the Netherlands has forced me to be a little less sensitive about the things people say to me. This is because the Dutch tell it as it is and as a Brit that really is an alien concept. Us Brits like to bumble along putting things in a polite way so as not to hurt someone's feelings. It often means the real message is lost somewhere in the middle of the conversation. The Dutch see it differently - why waste time saying things in an indirect, insincere manner? When politeness is culturally ingrained it can certainly present a cultural conundrum for some expats......

I wrote a guest post for Expat Harem on this topic - what do you think? Polite lying or rude honesty?

Driving Through Four Countries - An Exercise in Self-Preservation

I recently travelled back to the UK for a visit. We went by car using the Eurotunnel and hence travelled in a number of countries in one day: the Netherlands, Belgium, France and England. And the different driving 'styles' struck me.....

A12 in the Netherlands
Photo:L van Mulligen

It's not the first time I've mentioned it, but the Dutch do tend to like to stick close together on the motorway in the fast lane. It's called tailgating and it's actually illegal. Luckily most Dutch drivers who tailgate don't know this or simply don't care - and there aren't many police around to remind them on the motorways so it happens. It happens a lot. In fact it was actually pinpointed as the biggest annoyance for Dutch road users in 2010. Presumably it annoys the majority of Dutch drivers who think some distance between them and the car in front or behind is sensible and not those who glue themselves to the bumper in front. So that was my most notable observation on the Dutch motorways.

Then we passed into Belgium. You can usually tell that you have crossed the border as the quality of the road surface deteriorates dramatically. And as you jiggle your way down the motorway, something becomes very apparent. Belgian drivers are mad. They make Dutch drivers look tame. They tear down the fast lane with disregard to any speed limits (I learnt that foreigners caught speeding are treated severely by the police whereas the locals are not really bothered by law enforcement officers until they travel at the speed of space shuttles...) and they criss cross lanes as if they are the only vehicle on the road. Something worth watching out for in Belgium are cars with only five figures in the licence plate - these are drivers who obtained their driving licence with a pack of milk many decades ago (or at least they didn't have to take a driving test) ..... and the cars usually show much evidence of this.

Then we hit France. What redeems French drivers is that any driver probably looks good once you've escaped the Belgian roads unscathed. However, the French do something that none of their neighbours do - they keep their indicator on in the fast lane to let you know that they need to get past and they are not just using the fast lane to overtake - they are using the outer lane as their very own personal road to get to their destination as quickly as possible. Therefore, you really need to move over because they have priority. And there is no point just putting your ticker on - you're a foreigner and you still don't have 'fast lane priority'.

And then you drive onto the Eurotunnel train and marvel at how you've made it so far. It's time to sit and relax for the short trip under the Channel to Folkestone before your journey takes you on to the British motorways.

And then you notice the middle of the road attitude of English drivers. They sit in the middle lane of the motorway for no apparent reason. To legally pass them from the 'slow' lane you have to cross over to the 'fast lane' and then cut back to the furthest left lane. And they remain oblivious to the fact that they are causing mayhem around them as drivers criss cross to pass them. Some pass on the left, others on the right, but to no avail. I eventually worked out that some English drivers believe you have to pick a lane when you join the motorway and stick to it - no matter what. Horns. Lights. Cutting them up. None of it works.

So there you have it - Van Mulligen's observations of some of Europe's main highways. You have been warned.

The Ins and Outs of Expat Careers: From Human Resources to Writing

This is the first post in the series about expat careers. To kick off the series I thought I would share my expat career experience with you.......

I moved from the UK to the Netherlands in 2000 and at the time I was a Human Resources (HR) professional. I had studied for a Post Graduate Diploma in HR Management and intended to continue practicing HR when I moved abroad.

Within two months I had a new job with a large international company in a HR role. But to start earning again I’d made many compromises. The position was lower than my UK role was, the salary less. It was a temporary role and working through an employment agency.

Despite the number of international companies based in the Randstad in the Netherlands I found that the job market for my niche was relatively small because my Dutch was nowhere near good enough to work in a Dutch company – and that reduced my options considerably.

Feeling insignificant in a big
office block
Photo: Ryan Smart

After years of working on a specific contract in the same company, having been given a permanent, direct contract with the company the project came to an end and I was moved within the organisation to another team. It went downhill from there.  I felt like a number not a valued team member, a face in the crowd. I started reviewing my career options. I needed creativity in my daily work life. I wanted to write for a living but didn’t really see how.

I considered how I could combine HR and writing and then I discovered Jo Parfitt and attended one of her courses. It was the springboard that took my career on a new direction. During the course, Jo made a general statement to the group which stuck with me,

“You can make a career of writing and you can earn well with it. But you need to be passionate about what you are doing.”

I knew I wasn’t passionate about HR anymore. It hadn’t fulfilled any of the hopes I’d had, especially for much of my time in the Netherlands. But I was passionate about writing.

When I went on maternity leave it was the opportunity to take stock and make the change. I never went back to my HR role nor the international company. I set up The Writing Well instead.

The main barrier was financial but my departure from my former HR position left me financially secure for a number of months so I had a safety net – plus the income provided by my husband’s role gave us enough security to support the inevitable drought times.

Setting up a business in the Netherlands turned out to be straight forward, particularly given the nature of my company. I visited my local Kamer van Koophandel (Chamber of Commerce) to register The Writing Well and then registered the company with the Dutch tax office. That was the administration taken care of.

I undertook a web design course with NTI so I was able to design and build my own website for the launch of The Writing Well. And then I began networking and producing articles for various expat websites and publications – for free.


It built up my name and portfolio and then paid work started to steadily flow in.

A while after I started writing, I started a distance learning course at the London School of Journalism to boost my professional skills and keep my personal development going.

For expats wanting to make a move into the world of writing, my advice is this:  choose a niche, know your market and grow your networks.

Working virtually is vital if writing is your chosen
expat career.  Photo: Maripepa

Grow a platform for yourself (or as Anastasia Ashman and Tara Agacayak call it – a global niche). Writing is a great expat career because it is portable. Your clients can live across the other side of the world and it makes no difference so long as you can work virtually in an effective manner. I would also add that you should make the most of distance learning courses.

You do need the support of those around you. My husband enables me to take the time to disappear into my home office and work because he takes on the household and looking after the children. He has motivated and supported me from day one and even before – and takes an active role in decisions I make, and activities I undertake relating to my business. Jo Parfitt has also been a great support over the years – somebody who remembers her network at every possible chance and points clients in the right direction.

To succeed in a career overseas I think you need to be able to effectively network, both virtually and face to face. You need to be passionate about what you are doing and it certainly helps to be creative – to think outside the box. Finally - believe in yourself.

• Useful links for an overseas career in writing:

www.joparfitt.com
London School of Journalism

• Here are just some of the websites that welcome articles which enable you to build a portfolio - 

www.expatica.com

www.expatarrivals.com

www.iamexpat.com

www.expatwomen.com

www.expatexchange.com

And for inspiration to build a creative career doing what you love, no matter where you are visit Tara Agacayak's site - Turquoise Poppy.


Next week Louise Wiles shares her expat career story.

The Ins and Outs of Expat Careers

Photo: Vera Berard

Next Monday a new blog series begins on "A Letter from the Netherlands" about pursuing a career when you live abroad.

Particularly for accompanying partners, and those who move overseas to live with a local, this subject is a thorny one. For some, moving overseas is the perfect opportunity to make a career change and take a risk doing that one thing they always wanted to do. For some an expat life opens up doors. Others find doors slammed hard in their face.

The reasons for being unable to pursue your current career abroad are varied: lack of work permit; qualifications not being recognised; no jobs available in the local arena; cultural differences; legal restrictions; retraining needed; safety reasons; language barriers..... and so it goes on.

But it's certainly not all doom and gloom as our interviewees will reveal. A move overseas is a tremendous career opportunity for those who can think outside the box and put their creative being to work.

Over the coming weeks I will be speaking to a range of expats in different countries about their careers and how a move overseas effected their working lives. They'll share their experiences and give tips and advice and share links and resources that have helped them along their expat career journey.

If you have an expat career story you would like to share, please send a mail to "amanda at thewritingwell dot eu" and I'll let you know how.

On the subject of expat careers, the March edition of the Expats@Home newsletter goes out tomorrow with guest expert Tara Agacayak telling us about creative careers. You can found out more and sign up at http://www.thewritingwell.eu/Newsletter.html.

A Little Help in the Delivery Room for Expats: Doulas

Having a baby in a foreign country can be quite daunting and if your mum and your best friend live back in your country of origin then having your nearest and dearest around you at such an emotional time can be very hard to plan. However, hiring a doula can help - for many many reasons. A doula is someone who provides support (non-medical) during pregnancy, labour and the birth. For the birth of my second baby, I had a doula on hand and I would recommend it to anyone!!

If you want to know more, read an article I wrote for I Am Expat about my experience with a doula.

Ten Things You Don't Know about The Netherlands and the Dutch Until You Move Here (Part 5)

(c) Amanda van Mulligen

The typical Dutch stereotype consists of cheese eating, clog wearing tall people talking a dialect of German with a backdrop of windmills sailing round on the flatlands. However, there is much more to this small country and the people who live in it than the rest of the world thinks. Here's the fifth and last part of a series on things you don't necessarily know about the Dutch and their country until you move here.

9. Politics is Fragmented, To Say the Least
Before I moved to the Netherlands, I had little experience or direct knowledge of how it is to live in a country under a coalition government. Since I moved to the Netherlands I have known little else. Until the last general election in 2010 in the UK, there has been no coalition in my lifetime, or my parents' life time come to that. Recent Dutch politics has been nothing but a series of coalitions, and unstable ones at that. To say recent Dutch governments have been fragile is an understatement - yet somehow that isn't reflected in daily life.

The newest Dutch government took a few months to form and was controversial to say the least. However, looking on the bright side - it could be worse... we could be living in Belgium where they have been living with no government for seven months.

The Dutch take to the Ice (c) A van Mulligen

10. The Dutch are Ice Crazy
Maybe I led a sheltered life in England but I had never stood on a frozen lake or seen people skating on natural ice until I came to the Netherlands. If we have a cold spell here, the shops are amok with Dutch folk trying to buy new skates. As soon as there is ice covering any waterway the Dutch make a mad dash for their skates and take to the ice like ducks to water. And they have a blast. I have never seen anything like it - the Elfstedentocht is a great example of the enthusiasm and excitement for skating in this little land.

Of course there is a dangerous side - lives are lost because of thin ice. At best, falling through the ice is certainly no fun and not something you forget in a hurry. My husband can attest to that!

The Hell of 1963 - An Elfstedentocht To Remember

Photo: (c) Amanda van Mulligen

The Elfstedentocht (Eleven Cities Tour) of '63 took place exactly 48 years ago today. The Elfstedentocht is a 200km skating marathon that takes place on frozen over canals, rivers and lakes in Friesland, in the north of the Netherlands - the country's biggest natural ice marathon and the world's longest.

1963 saw a particularly harsh competition, hence the label of "De Hel van '63". Temperatures dropped to -18 degrees centigrade. Only 126 of the 9,000 skaters who started the race crossed the finish line. Thousands of skaters suffered from frost bite, frozen eyes, broken bones and other similar horrible injuries

Dutch director, Steven de Jong, directed a historical drama based on the twelfth Elfstedentocht - 'De Hel van '63' was released in 2009 and it had very mixed reviews. However, I really enjoyed it and it's a great way to spend 108 minutes to get a good idea about the Dutch culture around skating, the importance of the Elfstedentocht, how the Elfstedentocht works in practice and how severe the 1963 drama actually was.

In a nutshell, the skaters pass through eleven Frisian cities, starting and ending in the Frisian capital of Leeuwarden. In each city participants collect a stamp (as well as in two secret locations along the route to stop cheating) but they must pass though all checkpoints by midnight to qualify as a finisher. The winner of 1963 was Reinier Paping - in conditions so severe he became somewhat of a national hero.



The last Elfstedentocht took place in 1997, but every winter the rumblings and hopes of the event taking place 'this year' surface. In fact, at the end of last year, there was a flare of (unfounded) optimism when weatherman, Harry Otten ( Wereldomroep) said if everyone went out to clear the snow from the ice there could be an Elfstedentocht 'next week'. In reality, the ice was not thick enough (it needs to be 15 cm thick across the entire course).

I am looking forward to the year it can be held - what an event that will be!

Expat Book Review: Postcards from Across the Pond by Michael Harling

Michael Harling is an American who accidentally ended up living in the UK. He met his future wife in Ireland and moved to Sussex to be exact. And having been raised in a rural area of corn fields and cow farms, a twenty minute drive from the nearest shop, Sussex must have seemed a little crowded to this new immigrant in town. In any case, the move from the US to the US certainly gave Harling enough fodder for an amusing book about life in Britain through the eyes of a foreigner.

This book is not only a funny read, but highlights something interesting: For an American, a move to the UK would seem an easy one to make - the language is (almost) the same, the culture is not worlds apart. However, Harling soon discovered that the differences lay in the small things in daily life. He found that everything "is just off-center enough to give you a sense of permanent imbalance." This struck a big, clanging chord with me.

I wrote an article for The Telegraph last year about the differences between life in the Netherlands and life in my native Britain. A reader commented that adjusting to life in in the Netherlands was in fact a piece of cake and the two countries really are very alike. But they are not - and I think Harling hits the nail on the head with his observations of life in Britain: When you move to a far off land you expect life to be very different, when you to a country nearby or one with much in common you don't expect your life to be rocked. But it is - just by leaving your home country.

The differences lie in the little things like posting a letter, getting a parcel delivered, getting a social security number, driving, shopping, sports, weather, TV, queuing, bureaucracy.... Need I go on? 

Luckily, this book is not a mammoth whinge about everything in the UK being inferior to its US cousin. Au contraire, Harling doesn't see all the adaptations he needs to make as a step in the wrong direction. In fact, he gives the impression that he actually quite likes a lot of the differences - once he got used to them.

In this book, which is actually a collection of blog postings he has made over the years, he shares his astonishment at the lack of St. Patrick's Day celebrations in England; his difficulty buying shoe laces; his confusion playing the game of rounders (which he likens to baseball until he sees the bat. "The bat resembles a giant rolling pin with only one handle," he explains); the haphazardness of the local bus schedules; and trying to recreate Thanksgiving away from the US ("Last Thursday was Thanksgiving, and 60 million people on this island didn't give a shit," he tells us).

This book is 172 pages to make you titter (a word us Brits can use without sniggering) and it's a great read for all expats everywhere, for Brits who can laugh at themselves, and Americans who want to know how different life is on the other side of the Atlantic.

His blog of the same title (where he describes himself as an "American author living in the south of England, sort of like Bill Bryson but without the best selling books and gobs of money") is http://postcardsfromacrossthepond.blogspot.com/ 

Guest Post For Clogs and Tulips

Photo: (c) Amanda van Mulligen

If you have any interest in what it's like to have a baby in the Netherlands, then I've just written a guest post for Tiffany's blog, Clogs and Tulips.

"If you trawl expat forums, you are likely to come across some heavy criticism of the Dutch maternity system. And yes, I agree, having a baby in the Netherlands may not be the same as having a baby back in your home country but there are worse things you can do. Here’s what I’ve learnt through two pregnancies and births in the Netherlands."

Read the full post here.

Keeping It Local to Rebuild Shattered Lives

As you may know by now, I love to shout about expats who are doing great things in their host country. If you have missed it, check out my latest article to be published. Ode has run it and the thing I love most about Ode is that they only share positive news. It's an article about British expat Figen Cakir who is using her art and design skills to do her bit to help her community in the Turkish city of Golcuk. Nice news to start 2011 off with.

Interview With Me On Orangesplaash

Orangesplaash, an expat blog with tales of travel adventures, cross-cultural dilemmas and expat tips has published an interview with me. It was great fun and made me realise what fun my journey has been in the Netherlands.

"Amanda van Mulligen is our expat guest for this week, sharing tips and tales from her expat  life in the Netherlands spanning more than 10 years. A fellow expat blogger, Amanda writes passionately about all things expat related, along with managing her own company The Writing Well,  that provides English language writing services. I personally enjoy her writing style and insights into expat life in the Netherlands."

If you want to read the full interview visit Orangesplaash. Thanks Arwa for asking me to participate.

Duality - Life as an Expat

"I am two different people for two different audiences," commented one reader of my recent guest post "How Do You Say.... Me?" on Expat Harem.

My post addressed the issue of being able to let the real you shine through when you are interacting with people in a second language. It is a difficulty that many expats face, and the comments from readers were overwhelming. So many of us endure the same struggles of showing our real personality when the words to express ourselves escape us.

"I can't express the totality of me in English," summed up another reader. 

Expat Sarah Turnbull, in her book Almost French, states after a dinner party,

"I’d said very little all night. When I did speak, it was to issue childlike statements or ask simple questions which made me cringe at my own dumbness.”

This rang a bell with one reader of the blog post,

"I had to laugh at the "cringe at my own dumbness" quote because I find myself constantly doing that here in Italy."

Whilst many of us know the problems associated with learning a new language, this blog post made me realise that there is an undercurrent of issues too when you need to operate in a new language. It is not just grammar, getting by in daily life and understanding the society you live in - it is also about being able to feel like you represent yourself accurately and that you can be true to yourself and your persona in another language.

So how else can you get your message across when you can't find the words?

"Because the Turks are so expressive with their body language I think that really helps me to be more demonstrative if the word escapes me," explains one expat in Turkey.

Another expat says,

"I'm a smiler so I do that a lot! And I try to speak with my hands.... and my hubby can translate but its not the same."

You can of course refuse to budge and speak only in your native language but remember that whilst you are doing that, you are addressing an audience in a language not their own. So do they really get what you are about when you speak in your mother tongue?

There is no easy answer but as Anastasia Ashman puts it,

"Passion is something that will push us to the next stage in trying to communicate." And if there is something that most of us expats have - it's passion!!


*This was first published in February 2010 in an Expats@Home newsletter. If you want to receive future editions of my newsletter you can sign up on this blog (see right column) or http://www.thewritingwell.eu/Newsletter.html.*

Eight Tips Series: Kitting Your Home Out with Dutch Essentials

In order to get along in Dutch society there are a number of essentials you need in your home. Without them you cannot integrate fully and may even fail the inburgeringscursus. You can read about these essential tools (and others) in more depth in an article I wrote for Expatica.

1. Potato Masher
Without this vital piece of kitchen equipment you can never hope to master Dutch cuisine. It is hard work to use it effectively but practice makes perfect. You need to keep mashing until the object in question looks squashed and dead.

Although it is a potato masher (at least where I come from it is) the name is deceiving. In the Netherlands, it has various uses on top of smashing the life out of a potato: mashing cabbage, mushing carrot, pulverising spinach, squashing onion, squishing endives...... you get the picture.

This kitchen tool allows you to make a perfect stamppot or hutspot - perfect for warming the tummy in winter. Also very handy after dentistry work and a broken jaw.

2. Birthday Calendar
This is an essential for the smallest room in the house, namely the downstairs loo. If you don't have a downstairs loo, then choose the next smallest room. Make sure you include the birthday of anyone likely to visit your house - everyone checks for their name whilst they are making use of your facilities. They really do. If they come out of your downstairs loo looking mad, it's because you forgot to put their birthday in your calendar.

3. Bicycle
It almost goes without saying, but without a bike in the Netherlands you are no one. You simply must have a bike - it really doesn't matter how much you use it but you should have one. Where it is stored differs from household to household. The shed is a popular place. Public hallways in shared accommodations are also popular, preferably so you block safe exit and entrance. Creating an obstacle course for fellow residents is seen as good sport here. You can also leave your bike(s) chained to a lamppost outside your house - it externalises the obstacle course and gives dogs new and varied targets to pee on.

4. Window Foil
Many Dutch homes do not have curtains. They may have blinds or no window fittings at all. This is traditionally so you can see in to the showcase living room. However, over the years many Dutch homeowners have become torn between tradition and dignity. Do they really want you seeing them in their dressing gowns with bed hair every morning? The solution is window foil. Placed strategically over the windows you can't see out so obviously nobody can see in (except very small and very tall people).

5. Sauces
Your fridge door must be full of different sauces to be served with every meal. Every meal, regardless of what it is. Of course, the food you serve will determine exactly which of the sauces you are to serve but there are some staples: knoflooksaus (garlic flavoured sauce), currysaus (spicy ketchup in essence) and chillisaus (chilli sauce). There are other sauces which are variable and optional but for kids you must always serve appelmoes (apple sauce). It is to do with the lack of flavour in Dutch cuisine....... see tip 1.

6. Vases
Flowers are everywhere in the Netherlands. They are also commonly brought by visitors. So if you are a bit of a socialite, then you will need a lot of vases and many free surfaces to put your flowers in and on.

7. Cheese Slicer

I had never owned a cheese slicer (kaasschaaf) in my pre-Netherlands life. Cheese in the UK is soft and comes in square chunks so can easily be cut with a knife or crumbled or grated for sandwiches. I now own two cheese slicers. (I actually had three but whilst some might find that luxurious, I found it to be a little excessive and as it came free with some cheese I chucked it). Anyways.... Dutch cheese is hard and triangular shaped. Trying to cut it with a knife is just asking to lose at least one finger dangerous so cheese slicers are essential.

8. Chairs
Foreigners in the Netherlands all have to step into the circle of death at some point. If you have a Dutchie in your house, you will even have to create that birthday circle for yourself. For this you need as many chairs as you can muster from friends, family and neighbours. But you must also have a good supply in house. The good news is (so I am told) that the birthday circle is dying out and a thing for the older generations.

What's your experience? Do you still end up in birthday circles? Do you host birthday circles?

Are you an Expat Type Two? Or is it Just me?

Tying into my Dutch Decade theme, I have written a guest blog post for Expat Harem entitled 'Expat Type Two'. When I was thinking about the fact that I have been in the Netherlands now for ten years, have a family here, have no plans to return to England and actually love my life here, I asked myself if I actually considered myself as an expat.

The answer was no. And then I realised that while the official definition of an expat fits me, I have never really felt like I was an expat as such. There are different types of expat. I'm an expat type two, or not an expat at all.....

"When I first moved overseas I was struck that some expats are more equal than others. We all live in countries and cultures other than where we were brought up, or have legal residence. The difference lies in the “temporarily or permanently residing” part of the definition.........." Read more over at Expat Harem.

Expat Coaching, World Cup Football and Life in the Netherlands

I do a lot of communicating on Twitter and Facebook but neglected to share links of my latest published articles here. So to put that right......

• Getting help to live your best life abroad: an article published by Expatica about expat coaches and how they can help those living abroad. To sum the article up: "A little help along the way can be all too welcome. Amanda van Mulligen speaks to three professionals who help expats deal with issues related to life abroad."

• I am delighted to share that an article of mine was published in an international newspaper. "Published every Wednesday, The Telegraph Weekly World Edition provides a unique and comprehensive summary of the week's top news and comment from around the world, with in-depth coverage of politics, business, sport, and the arts." It is a newspaper with an expat section and this is where you can find "Going Dutch with a New Year Bang" in Issue 989. It is also available online under the title "Adapting to Expat Life in the Netherlands."

• The expat section of The Telegraph also published the article I wrote following Holland's defeat in the World Cup Final: "World Cup 2010: a view from the Netherlands